Since I last came here. In that time I've discovered a couple of things. Join me...

I don't know my self:

I seemingly thought I had my self figured out. I thought "19 years is good enough lets stop here" and stopped learning from myself. Im a big flake when it comes to reality. And I long for excitement and adventure, not willing to do much to achieve it though.

I get too comfortable too quickly:

I started talking to a girl.....That fucking lives in Florida! What in the flying fuck am I thinking? And to top it all off we are on some stupid high school "babe" bullshit. Why I let my self be reeled into bullshit like that is beyond me.

I apparently have image issues?:

Up until this breakup I never thought of my self image. I always took shit one day at a time and just drifted thru life not caring about my image. Not saying everything in life is purely image, but it doesn't hurt to shave and put some decent clothes on, on occasion. Whats with all the questions? All the internal struggles? Its quite annoying seeing as how I never used to be like that.



So I guess I need to take this time as a learning period, trial and error if you will. Time to fall and keep trying to get up with with broken knees.

Hmm.

Reading back in this livejournal is weird. It's nostalgic in all the right and wrong ways. I don't even know if any of you post or even look at these things any more. I guess im here because I don't have anywhere else to write my thoughts down that isn't going to travel at the speed of light.


It's 2012. I'm 23. Employed(at least). I'm at a weird spot in my life.

I don't know how to feel about where I'm at.

I lost my best friend this past year, it was rough. It's kind of depressing to think that after 4 years I can be so numb to her not being around. I still keep finding bobby pins near my bed, the random earring that went missing in my room or car. All in all I don't regret those 4 years. They were amazing. I spent it with someone who grew with me on a day to day. And I still kind of wish I could talk to her out of the relationship, lord knows that won't happen (probably for the better I guess)

I've been going out a lot and drinking just as much as a result of my being single. I have fun, but it's boring. The people I meet. Boring. The places we go. Boring. I'm starting to debate whether its them or me that is the boring one.

I just wish I could return to some sense of normality. Something that feels right. Not a relationship nor a sexual partner. Something real. Something magical. I guess I don't know what im talking about.

Reading the above, I realized that this post didn't go where I wanted it to go. I wanted a reflection, something to make me feel better overall about this year. But instead it turned into a "how I feel about my breakup" post. Eh. Not like anyone will read this right? Right.

One can hope for some balance some day.


What am I doing? I just read all of her entry's on livejournal. All they make me feel is like I gave up, like I stopped trying. Too much comfort? I don't even know. Coming back here was the worst decision.

It's been quite a while since I last wrote in this damn LJ...anyways while listening to UGK- Int'l Players anthem I started to reminice about good times in the Eclipse how I used to ride around town in good old bertha and blast UGK and smoke cloves. Oh how much life has changed :)
Im the happiest I could ever be(even though im broke and unemployed come the 23rd) Diane has completely changed my life and I've never felt this at home with another person. Since we've dated I think we've been inseparable, minus 2 or 3 days. I never thought i'd be ready at 20 to share the rest of my life with someone but the last year has shown me that she is def my girl till the end of my life. Oooh I also got her a nice little ring for our one year/ the promise to hopefully get married someday.




The 3000gt is probably the best investment I have ever made. She is still standing and running better than ever. I got rid of the Ricer stickers that the idiot previous owner had put on the back windshield. I got rid of the spray paint the idiot put on my turn signals. Changed the crank pulley, replaced brakes and calipers, all fuses and relays, removed dimmer switch and fixed the bypass to dimmer switch and installed my radio. all for a grand total of 2574$ including the car and normal maintanence. Im soo happy. Im probably going to rebuild her engine next summer since this summer im dead broke. I was planning on getting her a paintjob and detailing but the whole getting fired from cvs thing fuck those plans up.

School went fucking great although my gpa is way lower than it was at uhart, 2.75 due to the fact that gettting fired from your job only results in not being able to afford supplies for photography and then consequently failing it. But whatever i'll just work my ass off and bring it up this fall. Speaking of which I can't wait, I finnally get to start some serious photoshop and graphic work.

Summer will be epic. I guarentee that. Im home alone for a whole month and all I can say is "let the games begin" hookah will def be apart of my friday nights and that delicious monk beer that Pawel and Jay buy. And spending a 3 day span roaming manhattan with diane will be marvelous too.

Crossing guard has become a part of me, as much as I would like not to admit it. The parents are awesome, the kids love me, and most of them have rediculous stories to tell me when they get out of class. Some of these little assholes are already "dating" even though it lasts 3-4 days at most I think its hilariously cute (am I allowed to use the word cute?) but what these kids have shown me is that in the future I need to beat my kid to a pulp if he moons oncomming traffic on slater road. haha

Im glad im out of the whole "lets get fucked up for no reason phase of my life and not remember what I did last night because im in college"phase. I dont smoke as often anymore and I barely drink. Seeing these kids that were two years younger than me at a party get shitfaced, and consquently the "new years incident" where I spent the first 3 hours of the new year puking into a trashbag with my buddy doing the samething across from me. Eh I just hope more people grow out of this phase its kinda annoying when you come up to me with a drunk story. No one wants to hear it and only high schoolers find it cool that you woke up like janis jopplin in a puddle of puke.

Anyways all in all with the economy going to shit, and my unemployment, this has still been one of the greatest years of my life if not the greatest.



one more thing. Spektor Sucks really fucking bad. Dont care what any of you think. She pisses me off. That whole whispering shit is getting old and only inspiring a herd of more whispering idiots from manhattan that are considered indie because they wear a cardigan and scarf in the middle of june. AHHH im glad i got that out.

Current Music: Anything that hasnt been reviewed by rolling stone. especially lady gaga.

Well the 3000gt has been making a squeeking sound every time I drive it so I've been itching to get it fixed, but with no funds it seemed as though I was never going to fix it (or at least till the summer.) But my dad is willing to lend me the money that I need to fix my pride and joy and the sound/ unknown petit oil leak and transmission fluid will be gone and changed.

In other news, my parents are going to ecuador. I'm sad I wont be going and that Diane wont be going, but im sure we'll have fun. The summer is ours :)

Hookah! I am definitively getting a hookah, im tired of paying a bunch of arabians 40$ to smoke some strawberry shisha every weekend. The trip to New Haven will be missed though, seeing as every sports car on 91 attempts to race me.

9 months strong, never been happier nor in a longer relationship ever. I love you Diane Turka My nigga! haha(shes going to kill me for that)

Im looking into saving up enough money to get another car, one I can drive everywhere. See im thinking of making the 3000gt a summer/weekend car only brought out while hanging out and on a sunny day free of H2O. Im thinking of a 2002 yellow OZ rally Mitsubishi Lancer.
this car I would drive everywhere, in all conditions and I wouldnt be too scared as I am with my 3000gt. (3000gt fun fact 1: In 1994 only 89,112 3000gt sl's were made I happen to own number 2,443)

In a nut shell not going on vacation so I can afford another car to drive everywhere. My girlfriend is the best. I miss everyone!

also check this guy out, If you like bloc party, foals, los campesinos, we are scientists you'll love eugene

Eugene McGuinness-Monsters Under The Bed



external if you cant view the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnujO3SCGBE

Current Music: Eugene McGuinness-Monsters Under The Bed

polish people do not know how to properly accelerate.

that is all.

Current Music: Ungdomskulen-Surf's up

im going going back back to cali cali.

Notorious was better than i expected.

my live journal display name is fucking stupid! geez i hate my 9th grade self

i gotta take a piss.

if you have anything than a twin turbo, please dont race me.